i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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