good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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