I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
