Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
