walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
