my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
