I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
