If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize