yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
