my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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