Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
