we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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