you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
