You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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