I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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