your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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