I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
