yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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