i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
