.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
