Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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