Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
