8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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