Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
