i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i now understand why vodka
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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