Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
