If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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