We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
