Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
