Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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