I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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