sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
