we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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