I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
