i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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