Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize