can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
