Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i already hear my dad disowning me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
