My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
