While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My penis needs a shock collar
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
