You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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