Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
