I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
