so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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