it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize