Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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