Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize