too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize