Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
