Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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