Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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