drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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