cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
