I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
