me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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