I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
