Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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