I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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