Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dick very happy bro
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