Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she peed on how many people?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
