So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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