drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
