I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize