i think my tv is drunk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize