I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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