I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
