things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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