The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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