walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
