Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
