Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He did a backflip because drugs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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