Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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