yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
