Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
